many’s the time, i find it hard to accept what i’ve done in the past, if things weren’t ended up the way i thought it’d be, and over and over again, i’d just freeze myself in that time frame and regret over it, as if that would help to ease the pain, and i thought that would at least let me feel better. it’s called melancholy, or another word which is less favourable to me, self-pity.

but no matter how regret i am, whatever is has already been.

there’s no way to turn back time and get the thing fixed. hiding in the nook repent for the choices you made for ages, is that not busting up your life?

if you were to say sorry for what you’ve done, why gave yourself the chance to regret in the first place? if you don’t wanna be sorry, make up your mind clearly, and think carefully before you make the first move.

if you really have done something wrong, reflect, digest, and learn from the lessons, after that, you’re still a good chap who can keep on going with your life. and perhaps after some time, you’ll find out that life isn’t just that after all, it’s really not worth to trap yourself in the cycle called sorry-deplore.

there’s more to be explored and treasured, if you don’t blind yourself.

lil’ bro has got his offer letter from jpa. he’s gonna go to taylor for 1.5 year pre-u, then will be heading off to canada for another 3 years.

uncle jay will be going to us next year, for 2 years at least, yeah, at least.

big bro will be heading to dubai too, either this year or next year.

i wonder why the hell all those men in my life just walk out of my cycle bit by bit…

i also wanna leave la~!!!! >.<

sitting at coffee bean in genting isn’t something easy… cause i didn’t know how to go to first world carpark just now, got into 2 unknown carparks before hit to first world parents wanted to drag me to casino just now, too bad i carried a back pack with lappie and camera, i can’t go in la~~! >.<

was supposed to be in orientation, but offer letter got some prob, so need not to go, just go back and wait till further confirmation, sigh… i wanted to go to orientation la… long time never went to this kinda… whatever you call that, feels very fresh, just like an spm student who just finished the exam, got the result then waiting to go to another new phrase, a place you call college, going there for transformation, for maturity, for courtship, anything… ^^ i’m still kid after all, i like to be kid at times.. ^^

if i knew i didn’t have to go to fhe orientation to make course selection, i wouldn’t have come back kl so soon already.. rather spend time with uncle jay… tao yan la… today’s his big day mah.. >.< a hole management~!!!!

it’s raiining here… very misty, but don’t feel cold at all. i love it ^^

fog + cold wind + uncle jay + serenity = cying’s memory ♥ ^^

happy birthday uncle jay~

wasn’t really in mood these few days… think it’s been a pretty long while…

this is how i used to be when i’m back in penang, my very own hometown. i don’t like home.

it’s very seldom that you would hear people claiming they don’t like their hometown, especially penangites, and it’s true, penang has got what it takes to be a place that enthralls whoever set their foot on this place. the hills, the sea, the food, the culture, even the people, and the smell of penang. it’s place for you to relax your mind, a place for you to let go off your stress, and also a place that would shape you up into someone who’s dainty of food.

but somehow, i just can’t seem to be a typical penangite.

when i first came to kl, pang asked: “you must have missed penang and your home a lot.” but i told him i didn’t. i didn’t miss the place where i was born. i was, and still am, enjoying my life back in kl.

it’s not that life i’m talking about, it is… the life in a way that i can have my own life, with my own room, own space, own car, own privacy, and my very own silence. i used to be someone who doesn’t talk much in front of people i’m not close with, but prone to someone who will make sound when am unsound. i don’t like noise. i don’t like to hover in crowds, and i can’t be a drama queen either (though i wanted to be one so much).

i’m very particular in privacy. i don’t like people touching my stuff, asking me questions, and expecting me to answer them. i don’t share, cause it’s a heavy burden to me. explaining your thoughts to people who hold different lines and principles from you isn’t easy for me, cause human has got the most complicated structure in this world.

i think, i’m not gonna have a family in future. cause i can’t bear to be nagged by old folks, i can’t bear to always step back and tolerate with people who always take granted on you merely because you’re their family, i have no patience to take care and teach the annoying children to be lovable beings in future. i’m not a care taker, i don’t care about others, i just care about my self being.

it is grotesque,

but,

i’d choose to keep on being a lone wolf, cause i’ve been molded that way.

cheers.

x

do friends have expiry? or season?

x

if i were given the chance to choose ways to die, i wish i could float horizontally on a stream, where the flowers and plants and trees are scattered around on both sides, i just lie on the water, let the stream flow leads me to just anywhere. gaze onto the sky, all the beautiful memories, the people you loved, would be displayed on the clouds lingering on the vast expanse. follow the flow, with my hands holding stuff given by the love one, till the end of time…