reflection
wasn’t really in mood these few days… think it’s been a pretty long while…
this is how i used to be when i’m back in penang, my very own hometown. i don’t like home.
it’s very seldom that you would hear people claiming they don’t like their hometown, especially penangites, and it’s true, penang has got what it takes to be a place that enthralls whoever set their foot on this place. the hills, the sea, the food, the culture, even the people, and the smell of penang. it’s place for you to relax your mind, a place for you to let go off your stress, and also a place that would shape you up into someone who’s dainty of food.
but somehow, i just can’t seem to be a typical penangite.
when i first came to kl, pang asked: “you must have missed penang and your home a lot.” but i told him i didn’t. i didn’t miss the place where i was born. i was, and still am, enjoying my life back in kl.
it’s not that life i’m talking about, it is… the life in a way that i can have my own life, with my own room, own space, own car, own privacy, and my very own silence. i used to be someone who doesn’t talk much in front of people i’m not close with, but prone to someone who will make sound when am unsound. i don’t like noise. i don’t like to hover in crowds, and i can’t be a drama queen either (though i wanted to be one so much).
i’m very particular in privacy. i don’t like people touching my stuff, asking me questions, and expecting me to answer them. i don’t share, cause it’s a heavy burden to me. explaining your thoughts to people who hold different lines and principles from you isn’t easy for me, cause human has got the most complicated structure in this world.
i think, i’m not gonna have a family in future. cause i can’t bear to be nagged by old folks, i can’t bear to always step back and tolerate with people who always take granted on you merely because you’re their family, i have no patience to take care and teach the annoying children to be lovable beings in future. i’m not a care taker, i don’t care about others, i just care about my self being.
it is grotesque,
but,
i’d choose to keep on being a lone wolf, cause i’ve been molded that way.
cheers.
x
do friends have expiry? or season?
x
if i were given the chance to choose ways to die, i wish i could float horizontally on a stream, where the flowers and plants and trees are scattered around on both sides, i just lie on the water, let the stream flow leads me to just anywhere. gaze onto the sky, all the beautiful memories, the people you loved, would be displayed on the clouds lingering on the vast expanse. follow the flow, with my hands holding stuff given by the love one, till the end of time…
